Marriage Tips

It 's time the countdown. Thousands of couples standing in the corridor Saturday, 07/07/1907, hoping that all 7s - the number long associated with luck - to keep them lucky in love. And 'one of the most popular second wedding in its modern history drown wedding planners, florists, photographers.

Relationship experts caution, however, more than luck is needed to stay together and beat the odds of divorce, now estimated at the end of the half of marriages today. Here are the experts consulted by WebMD offer report their best advice for marriage how to stay happy in love. And they go far beyond the usual advice to buy her flowers, cook his favorite meal, and remember to schedule date night.

Marriage Tip No. 1: Purge "D" word.

With the taste of wedding cake just their lips, divorce is the last thought - or word - on the thoughts of the newlyweds. But with the reduction of the period of honeymoon, and day to day problems crop up, the words come up frequently during arguments for some couples, such as relationship counselors.

"Just do not go," said Steve Brody, Ph.D., a psychologist in Cambria, Calif., who counsels couples. "Some people rely on too soon and too often in a relationship. Poses a different level of anxiety [the person who hears it]."

Divorce is also considered a dirty word among the more than 200 "marriage masters" interviewed for the book, eternal project. The co-authors Mat Boggs and Jason Miller, bachelors and childhood friends from Portland, Oregon, traveled the country to interview the couple, married 40 years or more, and ask for the marriage of their best advice.

"I do not use the D word" was a suggestion repeated to maintain a happy marriage, Boggs said. These masters of marriage, he said, "It takes all their energy into finding a solution to a problem and find a solution. If you are considering including divorce, reducing their ability to solve the problem."

Of course, Boggs says, the teachers recognized that marriage is a failure in some situations, such as addiction, adultery, or abuse. But when the problem is less severe, many of the marriage masters told him to create a "ledger of life." I'm out of paper and write down everything they love their spouse. In the end, change gears and start focusing on what is right, not what is wrong.

Marriage Tip No. 2: Replace the 7 deadly habits in a marriage with the 7 habits of attention.

Learn the seven bad habits, and seven great is the easy part, issued by William Glasser, MD, a psychiatrist in Los Angeles, and his wife, Carleen Glasser, MA, representing a factor of eight HappierMarriage experience and the principle of their book and counseling sessions. Their practice requires an effort, of course.

The seven deadly habits criticizing, blaming, complaining, nagging, threatening, criminal and corrupt.

The Seven Habits of support include support, encouragement, listening, acceptance, trust, respect and negotiate your differences.

Marriage Tip No. 3: Take care of yourself.
This recommendation of marriage is short and sweet: "Take care of yourself physically and spiritually," says Brody couples.

These are stress tolerance and you come up. You'll be less likely to receive each other nerves - and the bickering. You are likely to have a happy marriage.

Marriage Tip No. 4: Discuss friendships outside.
While some married couples consider activities such as workplace friendships with members of the opposite sex acceptable, some relationship experts disagree.

"I'm not big on friendship to marry together," says Brody. "This is playing with fire." One exception, in his book: If a woman has a friendship with a gay man or a husband has a friendship with a gay woman, it's okay with that, because the potential for romance is nonexistent.

Otherwise, he says, and it is too easy and tempting to cross.

Marriage Tip No. 5: Do not try to control your partner.

This is one of them is easier said than done marriage tips, of course. But to try to control the other - the technology psychologists call "external control" - is the most important of his Glassers pain. In a happy marriage, the parties feel they can not control the other.

She has practiced this "external control", if you've ever told your partner need to behave in a way, or who knows what is right.

Learning not to control a partner can be a long process, but the GLASSERIE give some tips on self-education. "Think first," said Carleen Glasser Ask yourself:. "If I can control my behavior, what I can do to help the marriage" So think about what can be changed to cause the problem, she suggests.

Marriage Tip No. 6: Honor and respect your partner.

"Homage to all the time," said Thomas Merrill. This means no "old lady" stories, "he said. It also means that a woman should not flirt with their male colleagues or other men.

Respect is also a marriage counselor who has often been raised by the masters of marriage, "said Boggs. "The No. 1 principle that almost everyone was talking about respect," he said. "You can have respect without love, but you can not have love without respect."

Respect, for example those with a happy marriage does not hurt your partner before the child. "And do not go out of wedlock, when you encounter a problem," said Boggs recommended. "Talk to your partner."

Respect also means not criticize your spouse in front of others, Miller and Boggs has often been said by the masters of marriage. To make this easy trick to perform the marriage, taking into account the entry of a teacher in the subject of marriage, "Boggs said." One man said: "Let's say if someone is criticizing your partner. This is the only opinion they have of you. "

Marriage Tip No. 7: If you are the wife, lowering expectations. If you are a man, step up to the plate.
When Steve Brody and his wife, Cathy Brody, MFT, a marriage and family counselor, has traveled the country promoting their book, renew your marriage at midlife, participants were asked what they wanted from marriage.

"Women are supposed to be loved, appreciated, listened, loved and courted," said Steve Brody. They had a long list of wishes and expectations, "he recalls. The men joked that their expectations were more basic: Their typical response, Brody said, "Bring food and show naked."

While the men were a little 'joke, the gaps in expectations are a good lesson. To close the gap, Brody says, women have lower expectations - and expects 24 / 7 novel, for example, especially if their kid has just done an incredibly long week.

Men have to do certain things that women want, as the priority in their relationship and listen more, "he said. In short, Brody says:" Men need to do the same things to do at home to work. "Dice advising the couple to think this way: "His wife is the client of millions of dollars out the door, the company is closed .. "